Candle in the wind

The battle has ended. Just as I was drown with exams and studies, this news hit me hard. It did occur to me once in a while, “What if… she lost?” If you were to time-travel and told me my 4th aunt would only live till the age of 50, I’d say that it’s a cruel statement to make to a lady who was dear to everyone.

I find it hard to believe the hug I gave her last month was the last. The slight recovery she made when I was back home gave me hope, that I could one day see her normal self performing her daily routine and that I could one day, give her one tighter hug. I kept wondering what I would have done differently if I had known of this fact earlier.

Perhaps God has all this while been arranging a brief but merry life for my aunt. For those of you who were lucky enough to meet her, you’d remember how easily she made you feel belonged and how caring she was, even if you were not a close family member. At the end of the day, we’ve all been granted our wish, just in a slightly different way. She is no longer suffering but is no longer with us either.

All is not lost. Throughout her hardship, humanity has shone through her beloved husband, sister, daughter and family members who have been by her side, doing whatever they could to help. I admire them, deeply. Let us hope that she has regained her health and is happy wherever she is. In this trying time, may she guide her children though their exams and be there spiritually for her family who would find it very challenging to carry on living without her parental guidance and love.

To my 4th aunt, you have been an inspiration and will be deeply missed. We love you.

My first radio interview

I've always wanted to hear my own voice in a radio ad, saying,

"My FM, ying yue wu sian, tie xin kong jien. tai ping, 100.2, wo shi yeam"
"988, you sheng you se. tai ping 98.8, wo shi yeam"

And while watching Skyfire last year, I scrolled through as many radio stations as I could to see if there was any Chinese radio station in Canberra. Unfortunately, zero.

Hence, when HL called me last week and said he wanted to do a recorded interview with me on behalf of a Chinese radio station, imagine how excited I was. Aside from the fact that I've never done a radio interview, this would actually be conducted in Mandarin when I could barely string a perfect sentence with it. The topic revolves around uni, cultural shocks, student organisations, plans after uni, Malaysia, and also a bit on relationship. Understandably, everyone is worried about my cannot-make-it mandarin so I was thinking of brushing it up but assignments and exam preparation took up most of my time.

So I was pretty nervous when approaching HL today and prayed hard that he didn't have to pause the recording too frequently as a result of my poor mandarin.

I was greeted by this front desk.

And a familiar face =) Nick actually runs his own programme though I can't remember whether it's a daily or weekly one.

It didn't take me long to realise (from the pictures on the wall) that most of the people operating this radio station were uni students. The main station is located in Melbourne but FM88 just recently branched out to Canberra last May.

While we can't receive signal of this 6-month old radio station in radios, we can still do so online.

The interview lasted for slightly more than an hour. Thankfully, HL didn't have to stop the recording due to my mandarin.

While he was busy editing the interview, I wandered around the station.

admiring the technologies

and capturing as many pictures as I could to remind my future-self of this historic mandarin interview.

I was really tempted to stay for Ellen's interview but it would just make her more nervous =p
Anyways, I'm sure she would do well given that her mandarin is way better. Thanks a lot to HL for the memorable hour! (and stay tune to FM88) =p

Bruce Hall looks pretty

Small yellow flowers blooming on the grass patch just outside of extension. Not very obvious from this photo but you get the idea.

And I snapped my first bee pic today =)

*breathe*

An email which I thought would be a generic chain mail turned out to be a sweet message from my dad. He reminded me of the saying I painted on the wall of my room. I suddenly felt as if there was a force field, shielding me from the noisy metropolitan, slowing down the world a little bit. It gave me a well-needed kit-kat break. I closed my eyes and pictured my blue cozy room. Then, reality honked at me. I was back in a noisy city with cars everywhere and people rushing to get to work.

Uni has been crazy lately. With all the assessments happening coincidentally at the same time, this week can easily be the most challenging one, academically, out of my 2.75 years here. Felt like I couldn’t catch a break (Hofstadter 2009). I’m surprised a sleep-deprived me has yet to form that two very dark rings though I have been spotted dozing off in classes.

My sincere gratitude to all who prayed for my aunt. It’s very sweet of you all to include her in your prayers. In his email, my dad said she is well recuperating everyday despite not relying on medication. Prayers and natural goodness from mother nature ie fruits, water, wheat have done her good. Here’s to an ongoing recovery to my aunt and a smooth-sailing assessment period to all students.

Cheers.

Family...it's bitter sweet

Alert: These are random thoughts. Paragraphs may not flow.

In a span of three days, I stepped foot in Canberra, Sydney, Spore, Nilai, KL, Klang, and Taiping. That’s as to close to teleportation as I can ever get, I think. It feels very special when you’re busy with uni life in Canberra today and find yourself eating crab for dinner the next day in Nilai, listening to your parents reminding you to take Vitamin C, and hearing David Tao’s latest single from your sister’s playlist. For the past two years, I’ve always given myself a grace period of a few weeks (after my final exam) before flying back during summer, so the mindset is there, “I’m going back home.” But this time, I was pretty drowned with not so much studies, but performance, editorial work, etc. Before I knew it, I was spending a wonderful time enjoying (making fun of) the performances in China Night with Tim and Daryl on Thurs night, then appreciating the sound of mahjong bricks and family chats two days after. It’s special, really. As aforementioned, it definitely feels like I just teleported.

While I enjoy the food and company back home, reality slapped me right on the face. Not that it reminded me of the 3 assignments I have yet to touch. It was about the differences in mindset between my family and I, or more generally, between the younger and the older generation. We love each other despite the lack of physical expression. They watched me grow and have helped me in countless ways. My life would’ve never been the same without their love and care. It is not surprising that throughout my 3 years in Australia, the thing I miss about home (besides the food that is) is definitely the family atmosphere. Many times, halfway through lecture, I wish to be teleported right to the mahjong desk in my uncle’s place or to the Chinese New Year eve gathering dinner in my tua ee’s house.

Now that I find myself in that actually position, I’m happy, but far from contented. Language has been a great barrier when connecting with my family.. My tua ee took good care of my sister and I when my parents were busy teaching. She loves us a lot and well, she does show some physical affection. Eg before giving out Ang Pow during Chinese New Year, she kisses both of us. Every year, I see her white hair conquering a larger proportion of her head. I realised that I should treasure the time I have with her but I’m lost for words each time I try to start a conversation. My Hokkien is just too basic for any deeper conversation. There’s a lot that I wish to share with her but till today, I failed miserably. The only things I’ve done so far were standing/sitting beside her for a few minutes and getting her water while she works her magic at mahjong.

Even with my nephews and nieces, I wanna sit down and talk to them, about studies, friendship, etc. I wish to share with them the things that they can expect from the outside world upon completing school. Not that they can’t understand English, but it may feel a bit weird speaking English with them because Hokkien and Mandarin are the two mediums of conversation we used all this while. Also, it’s difficult to find the right setting.

Since heart to heart talk doesn’t really exist between the younger and older generations in my family, the elderly tends to judge us, teenagers too quickly, based on everything physical ie appearance, actions, etc. More often than not, we keep quiet despite the wrong impression that they have on us either because we’re too lazy to defend ourselves, doing so make us desperate, or we choose to ignore how they feel about us. To make matters worse, it’s too normal for human to remember more of the negative things that others do to them instead of the good. I don’t know, perhaps bad incidents just leave a longer-lasting scar in human heart. There may never be a practical solution. And we don’t choose our family members. Fortunately enough for me, the fact that majority of my family members are kind-hearted lots over-shadowed this problem. Hey, even friendships have their own set of conflicts.

Two days ago, I saw my sick 4th aunt. As I turned the doorknob, I kept saying, “This is it. This is it.” My sister a couple of days ago updated me about her situation just so I wouldn’t be too shocked when I see her face to face. It feels very painful to see one of the most kind-hearted women I know who appears to be fine in the beginning of this year but is now so frail. I can’t stop picturing her normal self. It’s just too difficult to digest the fact that cancer has consumed her terribly quickly within less than a year. The pain that she has gone through is beyond my scope of imagination. It’s scary to even think about it. Everybody questioned God. Everyone thought God picked the wrong person. But none of this can help heal her. For the past few weeks, we’ve been praying, releasing animals, and asking for spiritual help. During this trying time, the norm has been challenged. Priorities were shuffled. I’m glad everyone is sticking together.

To my dear aunt, you are the most selfless person I’ve ever met and I hope God quickly remembers that.

First Magpie Attack

Bought McD breakfast this morning and a magpie approached me (near Packard), gently showing some interests on my mcmuffin and hash browns.

"Nope, nope, this is not for you," I said.

Half an hour later, on the way to sports hall, there was this magpie which flew just right above my head. (I have yet to freak out). Then it stopped and stared at me as if I'm its long-time enemy. And CHARGE towards me!

"Gosh, is this for real? Is there food on my hair?" I've never felt this panicked, not in ANU.

This time, its left wing actually hit my head. I shouted and started using my badminton bag to cover my poor head. It stared at me again before it started charging. I can hear it making contact with my badminton bag.

"Should I run? Should I run?"

I didn't...Thank God after charging for a couple of times, it left me alone.

I actually couldn't think of any good reason for the attack until Wei Min said, "Hey, could it be the same magpie you refuse to give your McD to?"Well, that makes sense but if that's actually true, then crows are so revengeful! (and it proves that they can remember faces very well)

Cool Plate

Ah Boon came to Canberra last week. As we walked from Civic to ANU, he noticed this hilarious. I didn't even notice how funny it was until he pointed it out.